Planning a wedding can be a very happy time. Our family and friends are usually happy for us, glad that we have found the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. However, this is not always the case.
Please note that not everyone may be happy with this announcement. Consider this before you tell people so you won’t be surprised if you get less than favorable reactions.
Sometimes our friends aren’t as happy for us as we thought they would be. They may be upset if they don’t like your fiancé, if they feel that for some reason he is not the best match. Friends can be fiercely protective of one another, so it’s possible for them to voice their concerns, even if they’ve never done so in the past. It is important to listen to what they have to say and not dismiss it out of hand. Try not to interrupt them, argue or stop listening to them before they finish. Once they are done, respond to what they have to say, if they need to think about what they said, let them know. End by letting them know that you appreciate their concern for you and are grateful for their friendship.
However, sometimes the problem has nothing to do with your relationship and is actually because your friends may be envious of you. I know it’s hard to believe as they should be happy for you, but they may wish they were in your situation. They may have reasons they’re upset that have nothing to do with you, including envy of you or the person you found yourself spending the rest of your life with. For those friends who are already married, they may want to get back to that time in their lives where everything is ahead of them or they may even be jealous of all the extra attention they will receive during the next few months leading up to the wedding.
A negative response from your parents is different. Your parents won’t be jealous of you, but they do want the best for you. They may be upset that they don’t think their choice of spouse is right for you, they may feel that they don’t know each other well enough, or that this is not the right time to get married. Hopefully your parents will be happy for you and congratulate you, but telling parents is different than telling friends and the response may be different too. Even if they’re happy for you, they can attack you with question after question that you may not be ready to answer yet. If this is the case, you need to let them know that you’re not ready to go into all the planning details yet, don’t let them pressure you into committing to something or telling them something you’re not ready for.
If you already know your parents won’t be happy because they’ve already expressed their dislike for your fiancé, it might be best to tell them alone. Spare your fiancé the negative and hurtful things that can come from your parents.
Be sure to let your parents know that you’ve already made up your mind and that nothing they can say will change it. Make it clear that while you respect their opinion, you are an adult and it is up to you to make your own decisions, including who you will spend the rest of your life with.
If the parents who are angry are your future in-laws, try not to be upset, it may not be personal. They may not have a direct problem with you, but they may take it out on you; you may not know why they are really upset. Just remember that it is the opinion of you and your fiancée on the matter that is most important and you choose to marry.
If either parent group strongly disapproves, it would be wise not to go to them for money. Do not ask for or accept money from people who are really against this union. However, you should let them know that while they don’t need to contribute financially to the wedding, they are still important to you and you’d like them to be involved in your special day.